Zankyou no Terror Prologue: The Descent of Ayumi Mishima
by TheRoseShadow21
Summary: "Mummy and Daddy arguing. Their screams and shouts. The sharp and poisonous words they fling across the nights at each other. These are the sounds that will eventually become Ayumi's first memories." Speculative fic about Lisa's mother. Rated T for various reasons.
1. Part 1

**Ages and ages ago, I saw a confession on the 'confessions-of-an-animangaholic' Tumblr page that stated that the person wished that there'd been more info in the series about Lisa's mother, and why she turned out the way she had been. I hadn't thought about Zankyou no Terror for a while, but that confession sparked my imagination enough so that I begun to think about it a lot, and eventually decided to write a fanfiction about it. This was originally meant to be a one-shot, but it started to get pretty long so I cut it up and this is the first part. I'm thinking that this will be a three-parter at the most. But anyway, while all of this really can only be speculation, I hope that this satisfies that confessor (whoever you are) and anyone else who has wondered about Lisa's mother.**

 **((Disclaimer: This fic will have a lot of somewhat disturbing things like mentions of abuse, neglect, violence etc., so please be aware of that from the outset. I have set this to T rating to begin with, but if you think it should be M instead please let me know and I shall consider changing it))**

 **So, without further ado, here is part one!**

* * *

Mummy and Daddy arguing. Their screams and shouts. The sharp and poisonous words they fling across the nights at each other. These are the sounds that will eventually become Ayumi's first memories.

But at that moment, Ayumi doesn't know that yet. She is almost four years old, and all she knows is that it's loud, and scary, and she can't sleep. She knows that when she gets out of the bed in the morning Mummy will probably be sitting at the table, half asleep, dribbling, with an empty glass bottle in her hand. Daddy will be nowhere to be seen (though he'll definitely return, he always does). Ayumi will have to tiptoe around, and be very quiet. If there isn't anything eatable in the fridge she may have to go without breakfast because the cupboards are too high and the step stool too heavy for her. Then they'll just pretend that everything is normal until the next fig-

"YOU GODDAMN SLUT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU! "

Though the words and volume are not too different to what she is used to, there is something there that makes Ayumi sit up, gasping, squeezing tatty old Teddy-san as she listens.

"GOOD, I CAN'T WAIT! Take the brat with you while you're at it!"

"Hah, what do I want with a girl child, huh? Especially one who isn't even carrying my name? Why WOULD I take her? HOW DO I KNOW SHE'S EVEN MINE, HUH? TELL ME THAT, SLUT!"

"If she WASN'T yours, you think I'd be putting up with you for as long as I have? Seriously? Look at yourself!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"OH, YOU HEARD ME, TAKEO, YOU HEARD ME. SO LEAVE!"

Ayumi hugs Teddy-san closer to her and tries to curl up into a tiny ball, blocking out the words. The sounds can still be heard, and no doubt a neighbour would come around the next morning to tell Mummy off. But even so, she manages to curl up enough for the words to become indistinct, and for only the loud, horrible buzzing to remain. It seems to last for ages and ages, until finally, Daddy yells out something else and stamps out, slamming the door behind him as he leaves the house. The sounds make the whole house shake, as if it will fall down around them, but all Ayumi can feel is relieved, that at least the noises have stopped for another night. _Perhaps if I was a good girl, it would have stopped more quickly._

Ayumi still can't get to sleep, so she remains as she is, half sitting, half curled up, her pyjamas all rumpled as she clings onto Teddy-san. She listens to the noises of Mummy searching for her drinks, surrounded by relative quiet, mumbling things incoherently as she finds the drink and starts to swig it greedily. Ayumi stares into the darkness of her room, deliberately trying to think about nothing, when all of a sudden, the door swings open and Mummy is in the doorway, swaying slightly. Ayumi gasps, then realises she shouldn't have, for the noise makes her enter the room and approach the bed.

Ayumi squeezes her eyes shut but it's too late as Mummy leans over and grabs her shoulders hard and leans in, getting right up to her face, smelling just like that drink. _Mummy…_

"You were _listening_ , weren't you, you little brat?" Mummy hisses. "You heard _all_ of it didn't you?!"

Ayumi blinks, confused. Though it is dark, she can see that Mummy's eyes bulge and her lips go tight, just as angry now as she was at Daddy earlier. _I'm trying to be a good girl, I am._ But before she can say anything, Mummy just puffs an angry breath of air, like a dragon, before leaving the room in the same way that she came. Ayumi shivered, wincing at the bruises already forming on her shoulders. She hugs Teddy-san closer to her, and wonders if she'll ever be able to go to sleep again.

 **…**

Apparently, she does go to sleep, because she ends up waking up. And when she does, it's sunny and bright, and Mummy isn't in the room. But she's still super sleepy, and she has to use one hand to rub away the sleepiness from her eyes as she gets out of bed, puts Teddy-san on her pillow and goes to brush her teeth, making sure not to squeeze too much toothpaste or she'll make a mess and Mummy'll get mad when she wakes up.

Once she has (eventually) changed into the only clean clothes she has left, she sneaks over to the dining room. Sure enough, Mummy is asleep and dribbling at the kitchen table, empty glass bottle in her hand. Ayumi stares at her for a moment, her shoulders still throbbing as she remembers. Then, with a shrug, she creeps to the fridge and finds the orange juice bottle, before going to the low cupboard and finding a biscuit bar. She thinks about sitting at the table to eat and drink, but pulling out a chair would be too noisy, so she decides to take her breakfast to the park and eat it there. There'll be lots of people walking dogs at the park, and if she's lucky, she can play with them. She likes dogs. They're furry and friendly and make her happy. And with luck, she'll stay out long enough that when she gets back, Mummy will be awake, and a little less angry. And maybe Daddy will return too, and then just for a little while longer, things will be good.

So that is exactly what Ayumi does. She takes her biscuit bar and her orange juice bottle, finds her red shoes and slips them on, and then quietly leaves to find the dogs at the park.

 **…**

Time goes by. Ayumi's daddy doesn't come back at all, and Mummy drinks a lot and a lot, moaning about it and yelling about it whenever she sees Ayumi. She learns to hide for a while, and for a few days, she goes without any food at all, just hiding in her room, under the quilts with Teddy-san. Sometimes, Ayumi wonders if she'll become an invisible girl, if Teddy-san will be the only one who remembers her.

But more time goes by, and they both get used to things, to the absence of Daddy. Mummy washes her clothes again, and does some actual cooking (but after she tries to put chocolate buttons in the stew while intoxicated, Ayumi ends up taking that job over anyway). She still drinks, but not so much, and sometimes they actually go to the park together, and Ayumi introduces her to all her doggy friends. Sometimes, Mummy reads to her before bed.

When she becomes old enough to start school, Mummy walks her there and back on the first ever day. Mummy fawns over her, making sure she looks all pretty, telling her she's a wonderful big girl now she's starting school. But after that, she's left to her own devices, as Mummy starts a job at a bar that has long hours. The house becomes messier again, as Mummy is too busy. When she starts to drink again, that's when Ayumi just quietly takes over the housework, somehow fitting it between homework and school. It's not such a big deal, for the dogs at the park still remain her only friends, so it's not as if she's got anything better to do. It's just how her life is.

 **…**

"Are all of those your dogs?"

Ayumi stops and blinks at the girl who asked her the question, trying to figure out who she is. _She's in my class, isn't she?_ She doesn't know for sure, as she's never yet had any real reason to remember the names of her classmates. Even as a fifth grader, she still has no friends. She just keeps her head down and gets on with the work, making sure she doesn't stand out in any way whatsoever. It works, mostly. A few of the shiniest, prettiest class members have tripped her up once in a while, but she doesn't dwell on those things. She's used to the occasional bruise anyway, it's not new to dogs bark eagerly and tug at the leashes she is holding, making her remember herself, and with effort, she focuses on the current situation.

"N-no. I'm just their dog walker." Ayumi explains hurriedly. "I-I walk them to the park, then we circuit around the park and walk back, dropping each one at its home as we go."

"Ehhh?" the girl tilts her head, pretty green eyes catching the light even as her chestnut brown hair falls across them messily. "Why? Is it for a job? Do you get paid?"

"I-I j-just get paid a little." Ayumi stammers. "I like dogs."

"Eh, really?! That's so cool! I LOVE dogs, but my parents won't let me get one!"

"Same." Ayumi mutters, embarrassed. "Look, I should really go now….the dogs…"

"Say, Kobayashi-san, can I walk with you? I mean, while you're still walking the dogs?"

Taken aback, Ayumi can only gold-fish mouth at the girl for a moment before once again; the eager dogs remind her of where she is. Going bright red at the attention, Ayumi just nodded and began walking again, the girl following behind and chattering eagerly.

Ayumi discovers that yes; the girl is indeed in her class. Her name is Nodaka Tachibana, and she really _does_ like dogs too. She lives with her mother, father, an older brother called Koutarou and a little brother called Atsushi, and she wants to be a vet when she is older. And she really, really likes to talk. Despite her years of solitude, Ayumi doesn't mind this, and though she reveals little about her sorry life, she grows to like Nodaka as they walk. And when all the dogs have been returned and Ayumi is left with nothing to do, she finds herself saying 'yes please' when Nodaka offers to buy them both milkshakes and cookies at the local café.

 _A friend. I have found a friend._

That same night, even as she repeats those words to herself like an incantation, she finds herself not believing it, not really. She cannot imagine that this would be anything but a fluke. The thought leaves her sleepless, and when Monday morning rolls around, she stumbles from her house to the classroom bleary-eyed, only to be glomped by a very cheerful Nodaka.

"Kobayashi-san!" she squeals. "Come chat with us before class starts!"

"Uh…." Ayumi barely manages to put her bag down before Nodaka drags her off to the other end of the class where the girls she usually hangs out with are. They stare at her, surprised, but they don't raise objections, and though Ayumi doesn't talk much (for she cannot think of what to say), she finds herself feeling good about being here, about being part of this group. And they are nice to her, just as nice as Nodaka was. And the warm feeling that produces in her lasts even when the teacher comes in and orders them to their seats.

When break time comes along, she does not expect them to invite her back to sit with them, but they do. And then the same happens at lunchtime. When it is home time, Nodaka comes to her table before she has a chance to slip away as she usually does. And then the next day, and the day after that, it repeats again. Ayumi learns the names of Nodaka's other friends- Youko, Ami, Erika, Rikako, Saori- and she finds things to talk about with them. She tells them about her little dog-walking job and they all find it cool, peppering her endlessly with questions about it. On weekends and holidays they go out for ice-cream, or milkshakes or hot chocolate when it is cold, and they play in the park and help each other with homework. She goes around to their houses, but avoids inviting them to her house at first. Later, she chances it on a summer's afternoon and strikes lucky, for that day her mother has no boyfriends around and she's sober with it. Knowing the fickle nature of luck, she doesn't try that often, but Nodaka and the others never seem to mind, and they carry on regardless.

 **…**

The cracks begin to show as the friendship continues its way into middle school. Suddenly, Ayumi realises that her life is different from those of Nodaka and the others. They all have aspirations, to go into high school, university and marriage. They have good families and money, and though some of them get jobs at that point, it is not the lifeline to them that it is to Ayumi. She barely managed to get herself into a middle school in the first place, and she knows there is no way she can keep that up to high school. No, Ayumi's plan is to just start working full time in whatever job she can find and get out of her home as soon as possible. Night after night, she dreams of her own apartment, her own jobs, peace and stability most of all. She even wonders what it would be like to have a dog of her own. _A Shiba inu, a Pekinese, a pug, German Shepard?_

But of course, she does not say any of this. Her friendship with Nodaka and the others is too precious to her, the only bright spot (apart from the dog walking) in a dull, dreary and sometimes hostile life. So she listens, as Saori waxes lyrical about becoming a teacher, or as Erika enthusiastically talks about the movies she wishes to direct, as the others babble about their high schools of choice.

And of course, she is there whenever Nodaka expresses her hopes and worries about becoming a vet. Which is exactly what happens on the day the cracks finally tear apart and become huge, gaping voids one day in the eighth grade.

"Hey, do you want to have tea or something, before you go home?" Ayumi offers as they turn onto her road. Nodaka pauses mid-sentence, and looks at her.

"Do you know what, Ayumi-Chan? I'd like that. You make a mean tea, after all!"

"I…erm….no, it's not really that great!"

"Yes it is!" Nodaka declares empathetically. "You should like, bottle it up and sell it! You'd be a millionaire in no time."

Ayumi just laughs at this, for Nodaka always said such things to her, and she approaches her front door and fishes for her key, opening the door and announcing her arrival out loud. She slipps off her shoes, and Nodaka does the same, and they both head to the dining room when a deep and unmistakably male voice stops them in their tracks.

"Huh, who's making all this racket, huh?"

A long haired, muscular man wanders out of the bedroom, wearing nothing more than a pair of boxer shorts and a white vest. He rubs his eyes and stumbles a little.

"Oi, Kotori, what's the big deal, coming back so early and so quickly-oh, you're not Kotori, are you?"

Both girls freeze and just stare at the man. Ayumi quickly works out who he must be, though she has never seen this particular man before, but Nodaka looks terrified. He, for his part, just scratches his head, bleary eyed as he stares at them, and then all of a sudden he gasps and leans into their faces.

"Ohh! You're Kotori's kid, aren't you? Well, at least one of you…..you're quite pretty, little one…." He leers at Nodaka, who stumbles back, her face contorted, but he loses interest rapidly and zones in on Ayumi instead. She shivers, wondering what is to come.

"It's you, it has to be. Even though you're so dark, you look like her. So…am I right?" the man straightens and grins, and Ayumi nods woodenly. He lets out an uproarious laugh and then shrugs before turning back and going back into the bedroom again. Ayumi lowers her shoulders when he does, and sighs deeply before turning to Nodaka.

"Hey, Nodaka-san, I'm sorry about that. Do you want tea now…?"

"I…erm…." Nodaka stares at her, as if she'd completely forgotten about the tea. "Actually, Ayumi-Chan, I forgot I have something to do at home! So, um, bye-bye!"

In a sudden frenzy, Nodaka puts her shoes back on and zips out of the house, all before Ayumi can even say goodbye to her. Staring at the door for the moment, Ayumi curses the presence of her mother's latest boyfriend silently before heading to her bedroom and concentrating on her homework (despite said homework being pointless). She stays there for the rest of the evening, ignoring her hunger, and falling asleep at her desk. _I hate this life. I hate this. Why did that have to happen now, of all times?_

The next morning, as usual, she arrives at school before any of her friends, and she pulls out a book and pretends to read it. Soon, others drift in, and it is not long before she can hear Nodaka coming down the hall. She puts her book down and looks up, expectant. But when Nodaka bursts in with a few of the others and scans the room, she does not come bounding over to drag her out of the chair as she usually does. Instead, she stiffens for a moment before smiling awkwardly and waving woodenly.

 _I knew it. I knew this would happen._ Ayumi just nods and gives a rictus smile back before picking her book up again and continuing her pretend reading of it. She tunes out the loud whispers Erika, Youko and Rikako use to ask Nodaka what happened. It's easier than she would have been led to believe.

 **…**

It takes Ayumi a few months to realise that the young man who comes into the café twice a week is looking at her, and her specifically. His name is Mishima (she hasn't heard his given name yet) and he's fairly new to the café, but already, he's become regarded as a fixture, just like the regulars who've been there for longer. She's come to recognise him just by the way the door sounds when he opens it to enter, and the hats he likes to wear. He's quite fashionable, Ayumi thinks, but she doesn't really know about that sort of thing so she cannot be sure. She finds him interesting, though she tries to be as unobtrusive as possible around him.

Mishima usually comes in quietly, and doesn't go out of his way to greet any of them, but usually one of her other co-workers (all so much older than her), will spot him and greet him with a cheery 'Good Day, Mishima-kun!", to which he nods and smiles, instantly launching into a merry conversation before taking his corner table, right next to the window. Unusually for a 'regular', Mishima doesn't order the same things every time, though he tends towards some kind of tea for his drink. He usually stays for a few hours, reading a novel or a textbook before leaving, and though he tends to be pretty absorbed in this reading, whenever one of them comes over to serve him, or take away his empty plates and cups, he looks up and politely thanks them each time. And for some reason, it's always her he seems happiest to see, and though she smiles and nods back at him, she is baffled each time.

 _Is it because we're the same age?_ Ayumi wonders this on one such day, just after Mishima's come in and taken his table. Picking up the cups and plates from the empty table she's clearing, she looks over, curious, watching at how he arranges his things, sits down, opens the book in front of him. He seems self-assured, confident, and happy at his place in the world as opposed to resigned. And then, just before he starts to read, he looks up, and catches her eye.

 _Oh shit._ Ayumi freezes, a plate in her hand. She notices that his eyes are just as dark as her own, and really, really, vivid as he just stares at her. There is something very intense about his gaze now, as if he's putting his all into conveying something to her. A faint pink blush rises up his face, though it is nothing in comparison to the redness she feels heating her own. She feels a strange tingling sensation, deep in her centre, and it unruffles her so badly, especially as she realises that it is a feeling that she likes. _What does this mean? I don't understand it._

 _Argh, focus, Ayumi!_ Before anything can happen, Ayumi quickly puts everything on the tray, and rushes back to the kitchen, away from Mishima's gaze and blush, away from the feeling which has thankfully started to subside. She moves to quickly wash up the stack that's appeared by the sink, anticipating the grumpy cook in the way she's learnt to do. And, mercy of mercies, she is kept in the kitchen to continue washing up and generally cleaning, keeping her away from Mishima's intensity.

" _Men are bad news, Ayumi. Fucking bad news."_

 _The turn in topic startles Ayumi, and she opens her eyes to stare at Mum. She, for her part, still looks pissed that she'd come home to find her boyfriend leering over her own daughter. But not so much, for instead of ranting again, she just yawns and waves her chopstick lazily at her._

" _Oh, don't look so surprised. You're quite pretty, you know, even if you look too much like your father, that snippy arsehole. But anyway, you need to know what's what, kid. Men are just bad news; you're better off staying away from them."_

 _Ayumi just nods at this, not really taking it in. She barely remembers the person she once called 'Daddy', all she really recollects are those awful, house-shaking fights. But she does know that her mother is lying in one aspect- the only physical feature she shares with her father is her colouring. Apart from that, she's actually a carbon copy of her mother. Still, it's not like it matters, either way. She'll be striking it out on her own soon enough._

The flashback takes Ayumi by surprise, surfacing as randomly as it had. The incident had happened on the heels of the disintegration of the friendship she'd once had with Nodaka, and it hadn't been that bad, all things considered, so she'd put this particular incident in the back of her mind. But now, as she thinks of Mishima, of the look they just shared and the way he's been watching her since coming to the café, she wonders if he's interested in her like _that_. She's not stupid, she knows about sex, even if she didn't attend high school she knows the basic biology. She consumes popular media every so often, and not only does she sometimes eavesdrop on her co-workers talking about partners and spouses and exes, she remembers the chatter about childish crushes Nodaka and the others had. And of course, her mother's various boyfriends meant that she couldn't be clueless for long. She'd just always considered herself apart. Beneath it, rather than above it all, but definitely apart from it. Never for a second had she imagined anyone would be interested in her outside of a leering beer-breath context. _Ah, what do I do about it? Wait, what am I asking? I can't possibly let myself think it's a good idea to_ do _anything about it._

But as it happens, something gets done about it, something she doesn't expect.

"Hey, Kobayashi-san, Mishima-kun's waiting for you." One of her co-workers, a fellow waitress/dishwasher called Ueno, calls brightly, popping her head around the kitchen door. She's carrying a tray full of cake plates, which Ayumi rushes to take from her.

"Is he?" is all she can think to ask as she does so, automatically going to wash them.

"Yes, he is. I think he's got a little crush on you, Kobayashi-san. So lucky, what I wouldn't give for someone that cute to be interested in me. But then, you're closer to his age, it looks like, so of course you'd be of more interest to him. So, so, what shall I tell him? You're almost done there, right?"

Ayumi looks over at the wall clock, and realises that yes, it's near closing time, so it really is time for her to go home. Back to her little apartment, the one she'd rented with her own money just a year ago. It's dank, and dark and lonely, but she does her best to keep it clean, and one day, when she has a little more, she'll get herself a dog and cut back her hours a little. _I wonder, will Mishima-kun still be looking at me then?_ Realisng that Ueno is waiting for her answer, she nods.

"Once the washing is done, I'll be out."

"Okay then, Kobayashi-san, I'll tell him!"

Ayumi turns on her washing, and gets it done with a surprising, furious intensity. She then hangs up her apron, collects her bag, calls out her usual farewells, and then leaves through the café area rather than going through the back entrance as she usually does. Sure enough, Mishima is waiting, leaning against the wall, reading a book. When he spots her, he pinks up again, but he also beams as they both step outside.

"I..erm…Kobayashi-san, is that right? " he asks, awkward as he does so. Ayumi cringes a little on his behalf.

"Y-yeah." She feels the words carefully as she says them. "Ayumi K-Kobayashi. And you're Mishima-kun, Y-You c-come here quite often."

"Seiji Mishima. "He offers. Ayumi notices how meticulous and mature his voice is, even through his embarrassment. "S-so, erm, I was wondering i-if you'd like to walk home together?"

This was the last thing that Ayumi was expecting, and so she just stares. The poor boy looks down at his shiny brogues, embarrassed. The brim of his spiffy black hat shields his eyes.

"I-I-I'm sorry." He stammers, shuffling a little. "I-I-I didn't mean t-to assume that you were single or anything."

"But….I am." Ayumi is still none the wiser, but the jubilance that Mishima barely manages to clamp down re-triggers the good feeling she had earlier. _Ueno-san's assessment is correct. He really is cute._

"Well then, I guess it's alright? Do you live in the university accommodation uptown?" he asks, looking up wildly, his pretty eyes excited.

"No." she decides not to say that she doesn't go to university, not yet. "I have my own apartment. But it's in the opposite direction to you I'm assuming."

Mishima considers this, and then shrugs.

"I don't have to go in for any lectures or seminars tomorrow. I'll walk you there, and then hop on a train to get back. T-that's okay, isn't it?"

"Sure." _I'm not sure what else to say._ But she won't let him actually see what her apartment looks like. The stylish clothes and mature voice, when pitted against her work uniform and her ignorance, tell her that is the best thing to do.

So they walk together for a while, making the smallest of small talk. And as the journey goes on, Mishima's stammering lessens considerably, and she finds herself able to look at him more fully without her head becoming flooded. She even starts to wonder if, like before with Nodaka, this means she has a chance of friendship. It's a silly thought, for all sorts of reasons, but she is daring to hope again. And when, during a lull, he catches her eye and smiles at her so openly, she allows herself to believe that this hoping will result in something better.

"I can walk by myself from here now, Mishima-kun."

"Eh, are you sure?" Mishima looks around him, and Ayumi can see him gulp as he takes in the surroundings-the rundown buildings and the dank smell that never seems to dissipate, the piles of bin bags and graffiti on the walls- with an astonished stare. She can't really blame him. If she'd had any other options, she wouldn't have lived anywhere near here. No, she would have found somewhere cleaner and happier, where she could own a dog. But it's the best she can get, and it is hers.

"I'm fine, really." She reassures him, trying to play it down. "I'm used to this, after all. You should get home, before someone starts worrying about you." _Because someone definitely will be worrying about him._

"Kobayashi-san…." Mishima turns to look at her, still astonished. She wonders why.

"Well then, Kobayashi-san." Mishima says, adjusting his hat so it's back at its jaunty angle. "I'll see you the next time I come in then."

"Likewise, Mishima-kun." She inclines her head at him, and he does the same before she turns and walks away. And though she does not turn back once in the short walk from that point to her own apartment, she gets the feeling that Mishima had been standing there, watching her form until she was out of sight. And as tries to sleep, she finds herself wishing that that was indeed what he had done.

 **…**

Over the next few days and weeks, whenever Mishima comes in, as well as being polite and sweet to whomever serves him, he makes a point of searching out Ayumi to greet her. He also makes a point of waiting until the café has closed to walk her as far as she'll let him. On the days he doesn't, he leaves her a little handwritten note. She starts to make a collection of them, and despite herself, each night she reads them over and over, memorising his handwriting.

A couple of months later, she is at the library when they bump into each other again. To be specific, she is pulling books from the library shelves when he walks down the aisle and makes her jump by calling her name from behind. To make up for the scare, he carries her books for her as she checks them out of the library. Afterwards, he takes her to a nearby café (one that's different to where she works), and for a change, she gets to be a customer. He asks her about what she's studying, and she has the humiliation of explaining that actually, she isn't, she just reads for the sake of it. That, and she wants to keep her knowledge about the animals she so loves fresh.

Before they leave that café, Mishima gives Ayumi his phone number, neatly avoiding the fact she doesn't have a phone herself, and then, the next weekend, once she's called him from a payphone to confirm she's free, he takes her across town to the biggest dog walking park she's ever seen. She goes a little overboard, petting the dogs and asking the owners whether she can play with them as if she was a little kid again. When the day ends and he is walking her back to the usual point they part ways, she apologises for her behaviour, but he tells her straight out that no, she has no reason to apologise. That he finds her genuine enthusiasm cute. Then, he asks her if it's okay for them to start dating. Speechless, she nods. And then works up the courage to tell him that she thinks that he's cute, too.

A few weeks after that, after more dates in the dog walking park, and others in more conventional places like restaurants, one night when he is walking her home from work, he reaches out for her hand, and holds onto it. Surprised at the way his hand feels around her, as well as how it makes her feel, she lets him hold onto it the whole way there. And then she surprises _herself_ when, once they get to the place they part ways, she leans in to kiss him. It is a moment that lasts a life time, and when they can finally bear to walk away, she knows full well that more is to come, and the warmth that produces in her sustains her.

Then, later on, a full seven months after Mishima first walked her home, when they reach the parting place and kiss each other goodbye, instead of walking onwards and waving at him until he's out of sight, she reaches out to hold onto the sleeve of his soft blue jacket (such a pretty colour on him).

"Are you doing anything important tomorrow?" she asks by way of explanation. He wrinkles his nose while he thinks about it.

"Not really. I don't have to go into uni tomorrow, and my deadlines are still a long while away. And I haven't planned anything with my buddies." He tilts his head at her meaningfully. "Why?"

"Well…." She looks up at him, at the face she's come to know so well. And she thinks of how she wants to know more of him, in any way possible. How she wants him close to her, always. _What will it be like to turn around in the middle of the night and see him sleeping next to me, to feel his arms around me while we sleep? What will it be like?_

"Well…I was thinking. Do you want to stay over, tonight?"

"What, at yours?"

"Where else?" she's learnt to be sarcastic, in the past seven months, and it never fails to make Mishima laugh the way he does now. He straightens up soon enough though, and regards her critically while he thinks about it. Ayumi feels her heart swell at that, knowing that he's making sure that he isn't somehow pressurising her. It's this consideration and care that has swept her away, made her feel ready to take this step. And take it she will. _I hope he won't walk away from me afterwards though. I could not bear it._

"Are you sure?" he asks eventually, meeting her eyes in a way that makes her insides melt, in the best way possible. She reaches out to touch his face, still looking him in the eyes. And the answer she gives is a simple one.

"Yes."

* * *

 **From what I understand about Japanese education, while elementary and middle school are compulsory, high school and uni isn't. But it seems like most children continue onwards anyway. But it makes sense that there'd be some exceptions for different reasons. So I made Ayumi one of them. Speaking of that, the reason I chose to call her Ayumi is because that was the only name that I could think of when I first decided to write this (because obviously, she needed a name). I did look it up later, and discovered that the given name of the VA who voices Lisa's mum in the anime is actually 'Ayumi'. Must be where I got it from, somehow, subconsciously. There's no significance to the maiden surname I picked, I just like the surname 'Kobayashi'.**

 **Anyway, as I am treating this like a one-shot though it is actually a something-parter, this won't be updated weekly as I'll only work on this particular project on Sundays. But anyway, whatever, I hope you enjoyed this first part, and please leave feedback!**


	2. Part 2

**Most of the ideas I had in this chapter I found easy to plan, but difficult to write. But anyway, here is part two. Lisa makes her first appearance here, as it were. Anyway, since there isn't much else to say here, on with the chapter!**

* * *

"This…this whole house, your parents bought this for you?"

"For _us_ , Ayumi." Seiji corrects, putting an arm around her and steering her into the final upstairs room they haven't seen yet, the one that's at the end of the corridor, next to the room that will be their own bedroom, once they've decorated and got all their things in there.

"Us." She repeats, tasting the word in her mouth, still getting used to the feel of it. She still cannot believe that Seiji's parents had done this for them. She's aware of their relative wealth, that part doesn't surprise her. It is more the fact that they accepted her in the first place.

" _So, you're the girl our son's gone head-over-heels over."_

Ayumi had initially thought that those words had conveyed disapproval, at her socioeconomic status, at her background, at everything about her, but now she wonders if that is really so. If maybe, it is not so much distrust as it is just a case of parents wanting the best for their child. She cannot say that she truly understands what being that sort of parent means, but at the same time, she can.

 _And maybe, I'll get to experience it for myself,_ she thinks, as she surveys the final room. It is wide, and airy, with a big sunny window at the other end. The walls are still sterile, and there is no furniture to speak of in this room, but already, she can tell it is meant to be another bedroom.

"For the child we'll hopefully have some day." Seiji says, as if reading her mind. "If we have more, we can call someone in to convert the loft but…"

"I think this would be a wonderful bedroom for a little one." Ayumi is already allowing herself to think ahead, to imagine the tiny bundle that would one day be her responsibility, her gift. "I…I don't suppose you'd be too mad if I said 'let's decorate this room first'?"

Seiji chuckles at that and kisses her, leaving her breathless for a moment, but in a good way.

"So then, "he says when he lets go of her, walking into the centre of the room. "What colours do you think would be good, for a baby's room?"

Ayumi doesn't have a clue, not really. Her own bedroom was dank and dull, neutral colours and peeling paper. She'd brightened it up with her childish doodles and, back when they were friends, snaps of herself with Nodaka and the others. _Colours…._ Experimentally, she wanders to the window, and held her hand up to it. The glittering diamond on her finger catches the sunlight and sends rainbows everywhere, across the walls, across the two of them. Seiji comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face in her hair for a fleeting moment, before resting his chin on top of her head. She peers up at him, and smiles.

"So, an entire rainbow for our future child?" Seiji asks. Ayumi nods, once, silent but satisfied. He holds her closer, and they continue to look out of the sunny window, both thinking of the future.

 **…**

Ayumi holds up one type of material and compares it against the other, pursing her lips. She's taking the day off to do more shopping for the baby. Not more cans of paint, or anything else heavy like a cot or crib, because she's five months pregnant now and Seiji worries about her and the little one constantly, but small things. Material for curtains she will make herself (Seiji's mother has already promised to teach her how), pretty wall stickers to brighten up the place, little cushions. A teddy bear which she will sleep with in the days leading up to her due date, so that when the baby has the teddy, it will smell of her (a tip she read in a magazine that struck her because of it's comforting nature). Little things, details to add to the room that will prove the child is loved. _I wonder how Mum behaved, when she was expecting me._ It was not something Ayumi had ever asked her mother, and she doesn't think she'll do so now.

Sighing, she puts down the two different sets of pale yellow material, and moves to another section of the shop, thinking maybe she should get something rainbow coloured, to match the huge rainbow already beginning to arch its way across the bedroom walls. Or perhaps material that looks like the sky would be better. The decision is an agonising one, almost, especially with all the choice surrounding her, but she revels in it, taking advantage of this free day to survey them all.

When it gets to around lunchtime, she finds herself feeling a little light headed, and decides that perhaps she should go somewhere to eat. Or perhaps buy something, then take it to the park and watch the dog walkers.

"Already leaving, Ma'am?" one of the shop workers asks as she passes him, pausing from where he is restocking a shelf. She smiles at him politely.

"I couldn't decide on anything now. I'm going to have lunch and then maybe come back later."

"Very well then. Have a good day."

"Thank you." She nears the exit of the shop, and finds she is feeling more light-headed. _Wow, how hungry am I?_ But she doesn't worry, for it's a problem that can easily be fixed, until she feels something clench, deep in her belly. Over and over. And the more steps she takes, the more the pain shoots through her, and it throws her off.

 _Wh-What's happening?_ On some level, she knows she needs help, so she turns back, turns to the till, to ask them to phone Seiji, get him to come to her, but the pains keep coming, and they rob her ability to walk. The shop worker she had passed just moments ago notices her and rushes to her, concerned look on his face, and others around her do too.

"I-I-I just need to sit down…call…my husband…" her words trail off and dry up as she suddenly feels something warm between her legs. _No, it's too early, far too early._ Her hands flutter and steal over her stomach, as if her hands could possibly be enough to stop the inevitable.

 _No, my little one, don't go. Don't look down._

But she does end up looking down, and all she sees before everything goes mercifully black is a bright, awful red.

 **…**

In the hospital, when she has regained consciousness, they tell her that there was nothing that could be done.

They tell her that her life is no longer in danger, that she will be fine.

They tell her that they do not know why this happened to her, or whether it will happen again.

They tell her that the baby would have been a boy.

They tell her that it is best that she forgets about this, that she is young, she could still try again for another child and that it could all turn out okay.

They tell Seiji the same thing, too, and when he nods thoughtfully and sadly, she cannot bear it, and turns her head to bury it into the pillow, shutting him and all the doctors out too.

And Ayumi keeps him out, even when she is given the all-clear to recuperate at home. She finds she cannot think of anything apart from her lost son, the fact that she was not able to protect him, and the fact that she could not get a chance to know him. The thoughts keep her up at night, and although she knows full well that Seiji is right there, next to her, warm as always, she cannot move herself to reach over and embrace him. On his part, he says nothing about it, does not try to reason with her or plead with her about trying again for another child, or demand explanations for why she is so down. Instead, he quietly encourages her to eat, leaves her to-do lists so she does not completely forget herself, and just watches her. From time to time, she will turn from where she is ironing, or making dinner, or just curled up in front of the television to find him watching her wistfully, a ghost of a smile decorating his face, fading to surprise when he realises she has notice him. But he says nothing about it to her, and she finds herself unable to say anything either.

They go on like this for a while, an odd, silent dance, each of them fearful of breaking the fragile equilibrium. Ayumi goes back to work, and silently takes on some of the housework again, something that she had left to Seiji almost without realising it, despite the fact that he had his own job to deal with, even then. She fobs off the concern that her fellow workers show her, insisting that she will be fine, that it's all okay, and they buy it, allowing her to reassemble her normality. Seiji's parents are a little less easy to satisfy, but even they back off eventually, after Seiji vehemently pushes them away, also insisting everything was fine, even though they could see it really wasn't. Eventually, enough time passes that the all-consuming ache of her failure becomes a dull hurt, and a cloud whose presence she didn't even perceive gets lifted from her eyes, and she finds herself missing Seiji. The realisation that she had abandoned him in her own grief hits her like a wave, and as she runs through her memories of his sweetness, his awkward kindness, everything that she loved, loves and will love about him, she wonders how she could have possibly been so selfish.

So one night, almost a year after that awful day, when she climbs into bed next to Seiji and he flicks off the bedside lights, she does not instantly turn on her side, as she had been doing. Instead, she looks up at the ceiling, trying to remember what intimacy feels like, trying to get courage. And then, as the clock on her bedside table ticks away the night, second by second, she finds it, and she turns to him, tentatively reaches out a hand and rests it on his shoulder. When he turns to her, she snuggles in closer, clinging to him and sob-whispering the only words she can think to say, over and over again, even as he returns the gesture and strokes her hair, comforting and taking comfort in her, just as she does to him.

"I'm sorry."

 **…**

Ayumi's eyes fly open about two seconds before her baby daughter starts to cry, shrieks piercing the night. It is hard to get the bleariness of sleep away from her eyes as she goes to her, but she doesn't mind it, not one bit.

"Shh, shh, Lisa. Mama's here now." She unbuttons her nightdress partially, and then lifts the baby up from her crib. She latches on and her cries quieten instantly as she sucks greedily.

"You must have really been hungry, huh?" she murmurs as she sits on the rocking chair that's in the corner of the room and looks down at Lisa, her sweet miracle baby. She's six weeks old now, but Ayumi still has trouble believing that she got so lucky, that this time she managed to keep her safe for nine months before struggling with all her might to bring her into the world just as safely. She knows full well that was only just the beginning, and she has a whole lifetime of dangers to field for the sake of her daughter. _But, I can do it. I know I can._

Idly, Ayumi looks up at the clock, and notes that it's nearly eleven at night. When she'd climbed out of her bed, the other side had been empty. Presumably, Seiji was still out at work, trying to close that deal that had been bugging him for a while. She could not claim to understand the ins and outs of his work, but she wondered why something like that had to take so long, why he couldn't be here to spend time with his daughter, or at least be around when she wakes. But given her age, Ayumi supposes that she would have been the one to get up for her, and will be for a long time, at least until she is weaned. Lisa starts to fuss, indicating that she is finished, and so after re-buttoning her nightdress, Ayumi gets up and walks up and down the room, patting her baby's back and humming to her until eventually, she nods off, her little head snuggling against her shoulder.

Once Ayumi is sure that Lisa is fully asleep, she walks very slowly to the crib, and lowers her in, carefully pulling the blanket over her so she is nice and warm, before rearranging the soft toys. When she finishes, she steps back to go back to bed (or perhaps wait up for Seiji), but she finds herself reluctant to go. So, instead, she –with some effort- drags the rocking chair over and sits in it, making sure it doesn't creak, and then once she has settled herself, she watches over her daughter.

She doesn't mean to fall asleep while doing so, but she does end up doing so, only realising so when a few hours later, she feels Seiji's hands on her shoulders.

"Is she alright?" he asks, looking at the baby as she sleeps, oblivious. Ayumi nods.

"Yeah, she's fine, she's perfect. " Ayumi smiles with pride. "Absolutely perfect. Look at her."

"I know. She looks like you, after all."

Ayumi has no idea if this is true or not. Sure, Lisa has her dark eyes, and the fluff that stands for hair on her little head is the same shade, but that could just have easily a reflection of Seiji, too. And her little features, though they are still much the same as any other baby's, seem to her more an amalgamation of the two of them, rather than just a reflection of one of them.

"If you say so…so, I, erm….did work go alright?"

Seiji gestures at her to get up, and she does so reluctantly. Lisa sleeps on peacefully, so she relents and they go back to their bedroom as Seiji tells her details of his job that fly over her head.

"So…does that mean you'll have more late ones?" she asks when he's finished. It's a low blow, she realises, as soon as he flinches and turns away to finish changing. But when he turns back, his face is smoothed out, a little resigned.

"Probably. There isn't really anyway we can finish it on time otherwise. But, afterwards, I can take some days off. Not many, mind you, but I think I'm entitled at this point. We'll spend time together, you and me, and Lisa. That…should be okay, right?"

"Yeah. That sounds nice." She softly agrees. Because it does sound nice. Out of all the things she has vowed to do to make Lisa's life better than hers, one of them is a promise that she will know her father. Not something that's easy to do when said father is working all the time, but she thinks it'll be fine. Seiji has yet to break a promise to her, so she has faith that everything will be fine.

"Good. I'm glad. "He climbs into bed and pulls her in close to him.

"You know," he whispers into her ear. "Perhaps when Lisa is a little older, we should take her to the café."

"What, the one where we met?"

"Yeah, one and the same."

"Hmm…..I like that idea, too."

Ayumi thinks of other ideas, other ways they could enjoy themselves as a family, but exhaustion smothers her, and she quickly falls asleep again, and remains that way until the morning comes and Lisa wakes again. Then, their day begins again.

 **…**

Time goes by. Lisa learns to crawl, to grab things, and later on, to walk. She babbles happily every waking moment, liquid dark eyes looking up at her as if her babbles are questions about the world. Ayumi obliges gladly, providing answers for her though of course, she doesn't know what questions Lisa asks. She keeps her entertained, with books, craft activities, and plenty of excursions to the shops and the playground, always with new things to see and point out. Lisa takes all of it in happily, and especially once she is walking, Ayumi finds it hard to keep up, the task simultaneously becoming easier and more complicated when Lisa starts to talk. But somehow, she manages.

Lisa is just as affectionate towards her father, but much to her clear bafflement, Seiji does not always reciprocate. Though it is clear he is warmed by the little girl's enthusiasm as much as Ayumi is, he always seems to step back whenever she rushes at him, and sometimes when she is babbling with her baby-speak questions, he foists her off on Ayumi, complaining he hasn't the time to deal with it. The days off that he had promised never materialised, with new work issues popping up to take the space left by resolved ones, and more often than not, he's home long after Lisa has settled, and occasionally, he is gone for days in a row. He misses some of her milestones, and there are times when Ayumi really needs him to be there in the night, because Lisa still wakes in the night. Ayumi tries and fails, many times, to call Seiji out on it, to tell him that he is not in the right here. But given that he's the breadwinner, and he'd taken care of her after the miscarriage, she doesn't feel she has the right to do that.

But there are other good things too. Other things that make her forgive him, each and every time. Whenever he is home, he takes over some of the chores, no questions asked. He brings home presents for Lisa, and if they are toys or games, he somehow manages to find the time to sit down and show her how to play with them, complete with silly voices and tickles to make her giggle. After a spell in which he's been away for four days, he takes a day off to go out somewhere, and he comes back with a big golden retriever mix, a lollopy and happy creature that Ayumi immediately christens Momo. He ends up missing Lisa's first and second birthday, with more work-related excuses, but he makes a point of being there for her third birthday, something which Lisa is overjoyed about, much to their satisfaction.

It is not a perfect life, not by objective standards, but for Ayumi, it is enough. In fact, it is more than she could have ever hoped for. Or so she keeps telling herself.

 **…**

"Are you sure that Seiji is treating you right?"

It's an unusually concerned question, coming from her mother, so Ayumi just blinks. Lisa-now three and a half- looks up from where she is playing with a doll set, confused but still having detected some change in the atmosphere of the room. Though they are better able to talk to each other now, and her mother does seem to like Lisa well enough, she still finds it hard to see her in a motherly light.

"Mama? Granny?"

"Don't you worry, little Lisa. This isn't something for tiny ones like you to worry about." _That's a lot kinder than what you would have said to me at that age,_ Ayumi thinks bitterly before she can stop herself. Lisa has no such issues, and just nods, doubtfully. She stares at them for a moment longer, before getting up and going to play with Momo, who has been sitting dutifully near the door. The dog is more than happy to play, and soon Lisa is shrieking with happiness. Though Ayumi knows full well that Momo wouldn't hurt Lisa in any way, she finds herself looking over there, just to be sure.

"You haven't answered my question, Ayumi." Her mother says brusquely. Ayumi startles and turns back to looked at the aged, weathered face of the woman who brought her up (but didn't really). She considers how they've never really understood each other- most of the time, her words were just bitter rants, and she never told her about the miscarriage she'd had before Lisa. _If he'd been alive, he'd be five years old now. Lisa's big brother._ But now, for some reason, her mother's question about Seiji hits hard, and she thinks of his absences and exasperations.

"Yes, he is." Ayumi says firmly. Her mother's outlook on life is not hers. Seiji is good, better than she'd ever hoped for. She loves him, and he loves her, and they both know it. The biggest proof of this was the little girl laughing with the big dog in the corner.

"Hmn." Her mother purses her lips. "You would say that, wouldn't you? But you remember, don't you, what I said about men?"

She does remember, not that she'd admit it. But just as her mother's initial question made her think of Seiji's flaws, this one makes her remember everything good about him, all the things worth forgiving him for. _There are too many to count._

"They are not all the same, Mum. Seiji is wonderful. You should come around to dinner some time, talk to him properly. "

"Granny, come to dinner!" Lisa chimes in from the other side of the room, earning an indulgent smile from both adult females before they return to the matter at hand, as it were.

"You know he looks down on me, just cos I'm not some polished posh woman like his own mother is, no doubt."

 _If that is the case, he would not have married me. Did you think of that?_

"Would you like some more tea?" Ayumi gets up to clear away the cups, avoiding an argument. She does not want an argument about her life choices right now, especially in front of Lisa. Her mother just rolls her eyes derisively. Apparently, she is the only person in the world (according to Seiji) who doesn't like Ayumi's tea, but she doesn't consider that a big loss.

"No, thank you. I'm off now, things to do and all that. "

"Okay then, we'll see you to the door." Ayumi says, trying hard to hide her sense of relief as she walks her mother to the door, Lisa and Momo following.

"Goodbye, Mum. I'll call you for the next time." Ayumi thinks of reminding her mother not to drink, but she decides it would be a reminder that would fall on deaf ears. That, and her mother's alcoholism is nowhere near as bad as it was during her childhood, so it's easier to overlook.

"Bye-bye, Granny! Momo, say bye-bye too!" Lisa commands. Momo barks obligingly, and this gets a rare genuine smile from the older woman, before Ayumi finally manages to close the door. She leans against it in defeat, closing her eyes for a moment.

"Mama?"

Ayumi blinks, and looks at her daughter, whose clothes are all rumpled from rolling around with the dog.

"It's almost lunchtime, I think. What do you say to having curry?"

"Yay, curry! Mama, can we take Momo to the park afters? I wanna take Momo to see his friends!"

"Sounds like a good idea to me. But you'll have to change before we go, allright."

"Okay then, Mama!"

 **…**

"Where have you _been_?!"

She cannot help the anger that mixes in with the relief when Seiji comes in through the door. It's the first time he's been away for more than a whole week at a time, and without warning too. _I thought you wouldn't come back._

"Ayumi. I've just come through the door. Give me a moment." Is what he says to this as he puts his coat on the rack and comes through to the kitchen, heading straight to the coffee machine. Momo wakes up and lollops over to headbutt his legs, but Seiji ignores him.

"Was it another work thing? Why were you away for so long? Couldn't you have at least called?"

"Ayumi, what part of 'give me a moment' don't you understand?" Ayumi opens her mouth to say something, but stops, and purses her lips, feeling them tremble. _Seiji…._

She waits in silence, hoping that this was just a blip as Seiji continues to sip the coffee. When he finishes, she thinks that he will explain, but instead, he just chucks the cup in the sink and makes his way to the stairs.

"Seiji!" Ayumi rushes over, pulls on his arm. "Where _were_ you? Why did you just go like that?"

He looks down at her, bleary. For a moment, she wonders if he really is the husband she loves.

"It was a work thing alright? It was a bit last moment, admittedly, but it was an important deal too, I couldn't get out of it."

"But for twelve days? In a row? What could possibly take so long you couldn't come back in between that?!"

"I was in China, Ayumi. It was a deal with one of our overseas branches?"

"Chi-what? " Ayumi blinks, unable to comprehend, and then it hits her, and she is overwhelmed as she grabs at his shirt.

"You went overseas without _telling me_?! Even though when you asked me about taking overseas jobs, I told you to at least wait until Lisa started school?!" she is aware of the loudness of her voice, and she struggles to contain it.

"Ayumi, it was _important_. And as I said, last moment."

"Even if it was last moment, was it that sudden that you couldn't call once? Just once, in those twelve days?"

"And waste time that could have been used to close the deal?"

"Just how important was this deal to you anyway, Seiji? More than the family you have at home? Do you know how much trouble I've had getting Lisa to sleep these past nights? She's been convinced that if she waits up, you'll come back for sure! And I've had to lie to her, night after night, because I had no idea where you were! "

"She's asleep now, isn't she?"

"Yes, but that _isn't the point_ , Seiji!"

"Ayumi, perhaps not having a high school education means you don't get this, but I'm working like this _for_ Lisa. For her education, her future. That requires sacrifices, you know. I'm not asking you to just dump her in a day-care and go to work full time yourself, am I?!"

Seiji says more along this vein, but Ayumi shuts it out after 'perhaps not having a high school education'. _Where did that come from? The Seiji I know wouldn't say things like that._ Momo whines incessantly, and Ayumi bends down to stroke him. When Seiji has finished, he doesn't bother to see what she has to say, and instead storms off to the bedroom. Ayumi strokes Momo a little while longer, then lets him return to the dog basket, where he goes back to sleep happily enough.

As she starts to ascend the staircase, she realises her hands are shaking, relentlessly. _What happened?_ How did they go so violently out of control, screaming at each other, leaving without apologies or answers? She'd thought they were better than that. _Perhaps I should go and apologise myself. Perhaps I shouldn't have questioned him as soon as he'd come through the door._ But at the same time, she knows that he definitely was not in the right, and she finds she doesn't want to face him. So instead, she goes to the room where Lisa, the centre of her heart, is sleeping. Watching her precious girl sleep will calm her, she knows.

But when she reaches the door, she hears a scuffling noise, a rushed one. Curious, she edges the door open, and her heart breaks at the sight of Lisa trying to get back under the quilt, holding onto her toy frog with one hand and squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

 _Ayumi still can't get to sleep, so she remains as she is, half sitting, half curled up, her pyjamas all rumpled as she clings onto Teddy-san. She listens to the noises of Mummy searching for her drinks, surrounded by relative quiet, mumbling things incoherently as she finds the drink and starts to swig it greedily. Ayumi stares into the darkness of her room, deliberately trying to think about nothing, when all of a sudden, the door swings open and Mummy is in the doorway, swaying slightly. Ayumi gasps, then realises she shouldn't have, for the noise makes her enter the room and approach the bed._

Ayumi stares for a moment, and it takes a while for the vision of her first memory to clear, but when it does she steps over, slowly, slowly, and then sits carefully on the bed. Lisa curls up into a tiny ball, the frog squished against her chest. Ayumi almost cries, but she lifts her hand and strokes her daughter's hair gently.

"You heard all of that, didn't you? You did. I'm sorry." Lisa opens her eyes and stares wordlessly, then shuffles over and crawls sleepily onto Ayumi's lap. She cuddles her close and closes her own eyes, rocking slightly in a motion she hopes will be soothing.

"I'm sorry that you had to hear that, Lisa."

* * *

 **The point I intend to end this at is when Lisa as a sixteen-year-old runs away (so episode 3 to 4 in the anime). So I think it is likely that the next part will be the last part. But anyway, tell me what you think of this so far! Can you see the 'warning signs' ?**


	3. Part 3

**And so0mehow, finally, here is the final part! I should point out that in the bits that correspond to the anime, I wrote them according to memory without referring to the wikia or whatever, with a view to Ayumi's sense of things being muddled due to her 'descent' . So if I have got some of the chronology wrong, it is because of that. But since I have nothing else to say apart from this, I do hope you'll enjoy the final part of this prologue, and please leave me feedback!**

* * *

When she wakes up, Ayumi finds that she is still in Lisa's room, sharing her bed and hugging her close. Or rather, almost hanging off the bed, because at some point in the night, sleep had given her daughter's relaxed confidence in the world back to her, and now her limbs are flung peacefully across the bed as she breathes the blissful breaths of sleep, blankets twisted around her. At some point, Momo had also come up to the room, and was now curled up at the end of the bed. Ayumi thinks of scolding the dog and sending him back to the basket, as she usually does when he tries to sleep on their beds, but when he looks balefully at her she changes her mind. It'll make Lisa happy to see her beloved Momo waiting for her when she wakes up.

Carefully easing herself away, Ayumi glances at the frog-face clock on the wall opposite. Nearly 6AM, it reads, and she breathes a sigh of relief. She has her part time work today, and she'll need to take Lisa to day care before that. It would not do to be late. _No, it won't. I need to make sure things are fine, and normal, for Lisa._ She knew that Lisa would not forget what it was like to be tiny and terrified, alone in her bed as she listened to her parents scream at each other. But she does not want it to become her defining memory, like it had for her.

So Ayumi carefully untangles the blankets and re-tucks them around her so she was comfortable for her final hour of sleep, then goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face, before going into the bedroom to change. She pads around quietly as she does so, as Seiji is still asleep. But unlike Lisa, his face is creased, troubled, and his body is tense. _Oh, Seiji._ Despite the hate they'd thrown at each other the night before, she still finds that her heart constricts for him. _We'll make things right, don't worry._ Once her hair is neatly combed, she goes down and starts to make breakfast, as normal, and soon finds herself absorbed in the task.

Seiji comes down first, just as she is setting his breakfast on the table. He barely acknowledges he as he sits down and begins the food. To her relief, he does not seem to find anything wrong with the food, and just ploughs through it silently. Colour returns to his drawn face, and when he finishes, Ayumi hands him a cup of the coffee that he always drinks.

"You look better, Seiji." She tells him, genuinely. He looks surprised at the sound of her voice, but nods as he takes the coffee and sips at it. When he is finished, he mutters an almost indecipherable expression of thanks, and then it seems he disappears into thin air as he leaves for work. Ayumi stares at the space he leaves behind him, then pulls herself together as Lisa comes down the stairs in her pyjamas, rubbing her eyes sleepily, Momo lolloping behind her.

"Mummy? Good morning."

"Good morning, Lisa. Breakfast is ready, so eat it all up, okay?"

"Mhmm. "she blinks and looks around. "Momo, you eat your food up too!"

The dog obliges, happily bounding over to the dog food bowl and lapping it up, and it is only then that Lisa goes and begins her own breakfast. Ayumi sits and joins her, and watches carefully for any sign that she is upset. Lisa is quiet as she eats, working through the food in the same solid way her father had done so, but supplementing it with smiles and gasps of amazement. But when she next looks up to her, she is solemn.

"Mummy, is Daddy at work?"

"Yes, he is." Ayumi tells her. Lisa nods seriously at this, and then asks another question.

"Will he come back again?"

"I…well….." _How do I answer this honestly, when I don't know myself?_ "Well, Daddy has been very stressed and busy at work, so he needs a rest….so I hope so."

"Hmmmm…?" Lisa frowns, and Ayumi hurries to reassure her.

"But don't worry, okay? Mummy and Daddy will always love you and look after you, okay, Lisa?"

Lisa frowns a little longer, but then smiles and nods at her.

"Okay, Mummy. Now I finish eating." And she did just that, carrying her plates over to the sink afterwards before padding off to change. Ayumi finishes the washing up, then goes up to help her with the various buttons and other things. Once they are ready, they make sure Momo is safe in the house before leaving, and then walk to Lisa's day-care, hand in hand. Lisa seems a little reluctant to leave her when they get there, but is soon coaxed by the arrival of one of her little friends, and Ayumi finds she can rest easy as she goes to work.

The day is uneventful, work being peaceful but not so quiet that it is tedious, and she is able to use a break halfway through the day to go and walk Momo. Then, when she finished work, she goes to pick Lisa up, and the two of them go back home to put their things away and then give Momo another walk, a longer one that includes a stint in the park to play with other dogs. Lisa is chirpy throughout it all, and any doubts are gone. Even as they go home and Ayumi prepares dinner, she doesn't ask questions, though she does call out for Seiji and go around searching for him. Naturally, he isn't there, and both of them are disappointed, but Ayumi does her best to not show it as she distracts Lisa.

Just as she has placed dinner on the table and prepares to call out for Lisa, the front door opens and Seiji wearily announces that he is back. Ayumi goes to greet him, and he nods, still barely acknowledging her, but at least not snapping at her. Momo woofs happily and bounds up, stopping short to sit and wag his tail as he looks up at them. But it is Lisa who is the happiest, as she shoots down the stairs and wraps herself around Seiji's leg.

"DADDY! You came back! I'm so happy!" she squeals, her little face aglow as she giggles. Seiji just stares, looking faintly perturbed. Ayumi hovers, ready to extract Lisa if need be, but eventually, Seiji pats her head, awkwardly. This seems to satisfy her, as she lets go and goes to cling to Ayumi instead, still smiling at him.

"Dinner is ready, so you can eat once you're changed, okay?" Ayumi asks, watching his face carefully. Seiji stares at her, and then nods slowly.

"Okay then. I am quite hungry."

"Good, good. I made a lot, so you'd better be hungry!"

When he flashes a smile as he plods upstairs, Ayumi is filled with love, and any anger she has drifts away. _It'll be fine,_ she thinks. _Yesterday was just a bad day, and tomorrow will be better. The same things that happened to me will not happen to Lisa._

 **…**

Of course, she is soon proved horribly wrong. Seiji spends more time away from the home, and less time with them. Many, many nights go by when Ayumi manages to both go to bed and then wake up again completely alone. There are stretches of days when she doesn't see him at all. He still interacts with Lisa, to Ayumi's partial relief, but almost distantly, dazed. It falls to Ayumi to reassure Lisa that she has not done anything wrong, that he is just tired from working hard for them both and when he can, he will rest and play with her properly. On some days, it feels as if Seiji has forgotten that he has a daughter, and it is all that Ayumi can do to prevent herself from reaching out and shaking him, to point at Lisa and remind him of what he has. But her own past leers at her, and she doesn't. Instead, she waits, makes food for him, cleans up after him, greets him cheerfully and offers reassuring words. Remembering the pillar of support that he was when she had been grieving over her lost son, she tries to be the same. If she is constantly there, then he will return. She clings onto this almost desperately, and it becomes the main thing driving her forward each day- apart from Lisa, of course.

Time goes by, Ayumi measuring it by her daughter's milestones. The time comes to think about enrolling Lisa into school, and it is in carrying out these preparations that brings Seiji back for a little while, to the point that Ayumi sends the two of them out alone to buy the stationery she will need for her first day at school one weekend. They come back glowing and happy and having clearly gone to the ice cream parlour, and even as she pretends to tell them off for the pre-dinner ice-cream, she glows. When Lisa actually starts school, Seiji is actually home a couple of evenings a week, and helps Lisa with her homework, a practise that continues as she moves up the grades. Ayumi notices how he takes great pride in explaining these things to her, and her unworldliness sticks out like a plaster in these times. It does not help that she also notices that to make up for this, he spends days at a time away, and though she tries her best to coax the details of why his work entails this, he refuses to tell her, fobbing her off. More than once, he brings up her upbringing to cite why explanations are utterly pointless. And more than once, she wonders where the Seiji she had fallen so hard for had gone-the one who had accepted her so completely, the one who had promised a rainbow for their child, who had been her rock even when she had not been able to notice it-, she wonders where he had gone to, for each time the tenseness around them comes up, she knows that it isn't him.

She tries everything. She makes sure Lisa is a good girl, doing her homework on time and not pestering him when he is clearly exhausted. When she is fully sure she trusts the families of Lisa's school friends Satsuki and Yuka, she lets her go to one or the other for sleepovers every so often, so that she and Seiji can have nights to themselves. She works hard herself, at the part time job she has, and struggles to make the accounts clear, so that Seiji knows that looking after the family is not his burden alone. But he barely notices her attempts at rekindling intimacy, and he seems to brush away the importance of her efforts. But still, she tries and tries.

Until one day, he comes home late at night looking exhausted as usual, but with what Ayumi thinks is a glow about him.

It is nearly midnight that time. Lisa, now a sunny fourth grader, was spending the night at Yuka's house for a birthday sleepover, so she had made Seiji's favourite hotpot and some other things that only he enjoyed eating. She'd also made the tea he'd always used to drink when he'd visited that café she'd worked at, so long ago. She'd set it up all nicely, and was waiting for him to come home and eat it, and she would have sat there at the other end of the table, eating quietly, there for him to talk to if needed, but also able to be a silent presence if that was what was required. But the minutes had ticked by and turned into hours which had then turned into eternities, and Ayumi's eyes had threatened to shut on her, drooping with exhaustion. It had been such a long day, and she'd thought it would have been worth it, that she'd perhaps get a glimpse of the old Seiji, the real Seiji, once again.

And she had, in a way, but through her bleariness, she noted that the glow about him had been there before he had laid eyes on her, and so that she had not caused it, which meant that she had had no claim on him whatsoever, which meant that any love that had once been there had left for once and for all. That he was leaving them. And that realisation was one she could not bear, but more than that, she could not stand that Seiji would not just come out and say it, if he wanted to leave her. She would have much rather that than a gradual teasing away, a slow, slow disentanglement. Even with Nodaka, she had thought the same thing. And so she loses it, and yells at him, getting right up in his face and then dragging him to the kitchen and showing him what she has been doing for him, trying to make it clear how much she's been missing him, over these years. Perhaps being upfront, like she would want from him if he wanted to go, would change things. Except that all that happened was that he yelled back at her, and then stormed from the room, leaving the dinner behind. Momo barked after him mournfully, but was ignored.

Shaking, and sobbing silently, Ayumi readjusts her clothes and hair needlessly, and she sits down to eat her own plate of food. Then, she reheats Seiji's, covers it, and after dealing with Momo for the night, goes to sleep in Lisa's room. She decides that she can change the sheets and make it neat the next day, before Lisa comes home again, so it will be fine, just this once. And she thinks that perhaps that by giving Seiji space to cool down, he will be able to think about what she said, and then maybe he will return to her. It is a thought no different to the other pointless ones she has been having about him over the years as she has strived for familial harmony, but she doesn't see it. Instead, she allows it to comfort her as she drifts to sleep.

And then the next morning, she comes down to see the plates all washed and put away, and an envelope on Seiji's placemat. It is thick and padded, so the note inside is a lengthy one, but all she can focus on is the note scrawled in Seiji's handwriting on the front:

 _I can't carry on like this, Ayumi, so I am leaving you now. Sorry._

 **…**

"Well, here we are." Ayumi tries to sound bright as they enter their new flat. Lisa looks around it, but says nothing, and Ayumi knows that she is disappointed. She cannot blame her, for this place is a different beast to the house she'd grown up in. Despite it being a much better area than the one she spent her late teens and early twenties in, it is still a small, depressing place.

 _But, we'll have to make the best of it, and we'll be fine, the two of us._ She had to think that, for Lisa's sake. Nothing could be done about Seiji, for the letter he'd left also contained a divorce notice. Everything had been dealt with within the year, and then they were apart, forever. She didn't want him to have gone, but he had. At least he hadn't taken Lisa with him too, and at least he'd allowed them both to continue using his surname. Or that was what she told herself. In truth, whenever she thinks of it, she sees a cold, exhausted and angry shell of a person. Almost as if she was the same lonely, struggling child she had once been. _Seiji was meant to be my salvation._

"Mum?"

Ayumi blinks, jerked out of her thoughts, and looks down at her 10-year-old. She is pretty, dark featured with thick feathery hair courtesy of Seiji's genes. But her own sad eyes reflect her own, so that reminds Ayumi that she has another form of salvation. From here on out, she will give her all to Lisa, and Lisa only.

"Ah, sorry," she apologises. "I was just thinking about things. Let's go inside and clean up and put all our things away. I'm sure it will be better once we have done that."

"Mhm, okay. Should I make dinner today, Mum? You look tired. Are you missing Dad?"

"No, no, it's fine, Lisa, you won't need to worry about that. I'll look after you."

"Okay." Lisa is quiet after this, and Ayumi realises she didn't answer her actual question. But she convinces herself it doesn't matter.

 **…**

The next few days blur into weeks, and these into months, and soon it all becomes one large blur of supporting her only daughter, her shining light. Ayumi enrols Lisa into fifth grade at the local elementary school, and searches for a part time job that will allow her to be home in time for the end of the day. She makes an effort to get to know the parents of the two girls Lisa manages to befriend, so that if something happens and she cannot be home for Lisa, then at least she can know that she is safe. Eventually, the time comes for Lisa to start thinking about middle schools, and though Ayumi is terrified at the prospect of her little girl growing up, and despite the fact that her own inadequacies show, she puts her all into that, too. And the day the letter comes home telling them that Lisa got into the school she wanted to get into, they are both overjoyed.

"I knew you could do it!" Ayumi tells her over the takeout dinner they got to celebrate the fact. "You're so bright!"

"Not really, Mum. I just studied really hard. I don't think I would have got in if I hadn't."

 _You are wonderful, Lisa._ Ayumi beamed.

"Well, either way, you did really well. You should be proud of yourself, okay?"

"Mhm, yeah! Thanks, Mum!" Lisa takes another mouthful of food and munches, and then after a moment speaks again.

"Hey, can I phone Mikako-Chan and Yuuri-Chan after dinner? I want to find out if they got into the schools they wanted. Mikako-Chan was really nervous about this too."

"Of course you can, I don't mind! Did they both apply to the same school as you?"

"Yuuri-Chan did, but Mikako-Chan was trying to get into Sunrise, the girls school, because that's got the high school too."

"I see, I see. Well, I hope they did well too." Ayumi nods. "In any case, eat up now. I think there's some ice-cream still left in the fridge, so we can have that afterwards."

"Oh, cool!"

 **…**

"R-redundant?"

Ayumi stares at her boss in disbelief. The words don't quite kick in, but then she looks around at her coworkers, at their paleness and tears and covered mouths, and something cracks inside of her.

"But, that can't be right!" she said, her voice picking up speed and pace as she stares him down. "You're just going to let us go, with no proper notice at all, no anything! I have a daughter to support!"

"Mishima-san-"

"I'm bringing her up alone, what am I meant to do without a job? What are all of us meant to do, I, I mean….."

Ayumi suddenly feels her head spin, and she stops. She thinks she should rear back, give herself time to compose herself. She is sure someone else will argue for her, after all, they've all got things at stake, but they do not, and everything becomes and overwhelming whirl of colours and sounds. Someone says her name again as she tries to stagger back, but she does not hear them as she feels her legs give out from under her and everything go black.

 **…**

When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed and Lisa is looking at her. But for a moment, she doesn't realise that.

"Seiji?"

"No, Mum, it's me. What happened?" Ayumi's vision clears and she sees her daughter, looking down at her with worry. She sits up in a panic and suddenly a roaring pain rushes in her head.

"Don't move too fast, Mum!" Lisa panics. "The doctors said you hurt your head, so you have to take it easy!"

"Work…."

"They said you won't be able to work for a while, either. But you work so hard, after all. I think you need a break."

When Ayumi doesn't answer, Lisa frowns, her pretty eyes becoming troubled .

"Is…is it going to be hard, if you don't work?" she almost whispers. "Will we get kicked out of the home?"

"N-no….It..it will be fine…."

"I could get a job or something, Mum. A part time job, until you get better…."

"No!" the mere thought fills her with panic. _I can't do that. That would mean I fail as a mother. I must look after her, not the other way around._

"No," she repeats more calmly. "No need for that. You should enjoy your childhood, Lisa. It is precious. And I will take care of the two of us. I'll find a way to get us through this."

"Mmm, okay." Lisa nods, looking a little doubtful. Ayumi's heart breaks, and she reaches out for Lisa's hand and clenches it tightly. _My little girl is growing up._ Lisa stares down at her hand in surprise, and then squeezes back. They chat for a little while longer before Ayumi starts to feel sleepy again, and it is at that point Lisa goes. Ayumi thinks of asking her where she will stay the night, but is not able to fight her sleepiness long enough to do so.

Luckily, it becomes a single-night worry, as she is released from hospital the next day-Saturday- with orders to rest up, and she is able to go straight home. She tries to go and make them some lunch the moment they get home, but Lisa, unusually, vetoes this.

"I can make lunch." She says, quietly but surprisingly firmly. "You should rest, Mum."

"No, no-"Ayumi begins, but Lisa shakes her head so wildly, that she is stopped again. And once again, she thinks, _my little girl is growing up. I'm so proud._ So, she yields, and goes to sit on the sofa as Lisa pulls together some soup and pulls out bread from the cupboard.

They eat on the sofa, using the coffee table, rather than the dining table. The soup tastes utterly awful, but Ayumi laps it all up. After all, it was a soup made by her precious little girl, her light and salvation. To condemn her soup would be such a crime and she didn't think she would be able to do that. So she lapped it all down, and savoured the look of happiness on her daughter's face.

 _We will get through this, we have to._

 **…**

Her joblessness stretches out, from something small and fleeting to something that smells distinctly of a permanent situation. With some major budgeting, she manages to make sure they are nowhere near destitution, but the changes still assert themselves too strongly. She tries to keep her mind active, by spending time in the library and going to the park to watch the dog walkers on the way to and from doing their weekly groceries. But if she had thought the years and days between the divorce and the unemployment were a blur, she finds this even worse. Because no matter what she does, it is not enough for her to be sure she is not doing enough for Lisa. She makes her breakfast and dinner at home, and makes sure she takes a beautiful, tasty lunch. She makes sure the house is clean and that Lisa has enough clothes, and she talks to Lisa, as much as she can, making sure she knows that she is loved and valued even though their lives are stifling. But she cannot help but think that it is not enough, that there are whole swathes of hours where she has no real way of knowing what is happening in Lisa's life. Sure, she talks, but her little girl is now not so little, and her maturity has made her quieter, more dignified. And she knows Lisa worries sometimes, and she wants to make that not so. Yet, how could she do such a thing if she has no idea what is going on, no way to reach her.

These thoughts are all consuming ones, and the more she thinks, the worse they become. Then, one day, as she is cleaning the living room, she picks up her mobile phone to clean the portion of table underneath it, and that is when it hits her. They are living in an age of technology, one where it is easy to reach anyone from anywhere. And of course, Lisa has one too. She has her on speed dial if need be. So, she looks at the time, making sure it isn't a time where Lisa would be in lessons (not wanting her to get into trouble), and once she is sure that the time is right, she takes a pause from her cleaning to sit down on the sofa, and compose a text message.

" _How are you? Did you enjoy your lunch?"_

 **…**

"Lisa, you didn't answer many texts today, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mum."

"Are you sure, you're so quiet these days? Is something troubling you? You know I'll help, whatever it is."

"Yes, I know. School is just busy."

"Oh, oh, it must be, mustn't it? Such hard work! What was it like today, Lisa? Was it good? Were you extra busy? And are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm _fine_ , Mum. "

"Okay, I'll let you do your homework now. Dinner will be ready soon, okay? What do you say to hotpot, Lisa? Does that sound good? Or should I do curry instead?"

"Anything is fine….."

 **…**

Summer, 2014, and Ayumi wonders if she is losing her mind. Lisa is slipping away from her, slowly, slowly. She spends more time outside the house than inside it and does not say a word to her at all when she gets back. And if she does end up doing so, it is as little as possible, as though she is afraid. She does not reply to the text messages that she sends her to check that all is okay. She does not respond to Ayumi's worries, cannot even reassure her that everything is okay. She has no idea, no idea at all about how her school work she is doing or what club activities she does. She hasn't heard anything about Mikako and Yuuri, it's as if Lisa has completely stopped talking to them, but at the same time she cannot believe that what happened to her will have happened to Lisa, for she has not always been welcoming, unlike her own mother (now long deceased from alcohol poisoning). She knows nothing, and can find out nothing, and all she can see is history repeating itself. First her husband, then her daughter.

That, and she was witnessing the end of the world.

Or something that felt like it, in any case. Just the day before, Tokyo Tower had exploded, falling down and looking so much like those images of the towers that had fallen down in America 13 years ago, when Lisa was just a little girl. And then, soon after, that warehouse near the police had done so too. And it had been credited to terrorists, two masked boys (for they cannot be more than that, surely?) calling themselves Sphinx. With not much else to do, and the pleasure of going to the park leeched by her worry for Lisa and concern that if she wasn't reachable then something bad would happen, she had been stuck to the news like glue. She had no idea why, really, but something kept her there, and even when she was preparing food or cleaning the house or making sure Lisa's clothes were cleaned and ironed she had the television on. And that was how she had heard that Lisa's high school had been in Tokyo Tower that day, when it had come crashing down.

Nobody was harmed, they said. Nobody in the tower had been injured seriously, they had all been evacuated. But that mattered little to Ayumi, all she had heard was that her daughter, her precious, drifting away daughter had been in there and she had not even said a word. No, instead, she had wrenched away from her queries and concerns and run away to her room. She had not even come down for the dinner she'd prepared.

And so now, as Lisa wanders around the town, or whatever it is she does on Saturdays, she sits and waits for her, glued to the news. _Lisa….are you safe? Please be safe. Please don't leave me._

These thoughts circle repetitively in her head, over and over, and soon those are the only things she is thinking. Lisa does not come back until it is late, the sun starting to set and the world becoming dark for another night, and in the end, that's enough for Ayumi to know that it really is true. History really is going to repeat itself.

"Where were you?!" she is there as soon as Lisa gets through the door. "You didn't answer my messages or anything? _Where were you?_ Why didn't you answer?"

There are no answers, just Lisa, shrinking away from her as if she is something awful. _Don't you understand? Can't you understand?_

"You're going to leave me, aren't you? Just like you're father, you are going to leave me!"

Something cracks, and Ayumi wonders if it is her mind, when she registers that her hands are on Lisa's shoulders and that she is pushed up against the wall. _What….did I do?_ Her hands tremble, and Lisa takes the opportunity to wriggle away and rushes off to her bedroom. Ayumi wants to go after her, but she feels herself rooted to the ground. _What did I do?_

"Lisa!"

 **…**

Her sleep is troubled, disturbed, she cannot stop her tossing and turning. Images run through her mind, the past and the present, and her future, her lonely future. It's hard for her to know for sure if she is awake, or asleep, but all the same something in her registers the door opening, far, far away. There is an odd clarity to it, and she notices it instantly.

"Lisa?" she sleepily calls out. No answer comes, no further noises, and as she cannot tell if she actually said anything, she lets it go, and sinks into the messy darkness of her mind once again.

 **…**

When she wakes up in the morning, the house is too quiet. Not in the usual way, but almost dead. Ayumi is bleary at first as she pads to the bathroom, but then as she washes her hand, snatches of the evening before come to her.

" _You're going to leave me, aren't you? Just like you're father, you are going to leave me!"_

She thinks of burning buildings, of avoidances and lost words, and with a wail she fights to supress, she runs to her daughter's bedroom and flings the door open. _I need to apologise, I need to make things right, tell her that I still love her and we'll always be here for each other and….._

All she sees is an empty bedroom, and a holdall bag missing. Where Lisa once was, she was no longer before. She thinks of the sound of the door last night, the one mixed with dreams and she realises the truth. As she staggers to the bed and drops to her knees and just gives up, she realises the truth.

 _It's too late._


End file.
